Ransoms (are completely orthodox methods of getting what you want)
by allthingsavenger
Summary: In which Steve convinces Tony to let him keep a stray puppy and in revenge Tony leaves him small ransom notes in exchange for coffee. Written for purgatorybuttsex who wanted fluff. I'm sorry I didn't write it until now I was a lazy ass :c


"Tony."

"Mmhm?"

Tony didn't look up, tapping away at his Stark-pad and Steve let out an exasperated sigh.

"Tony," he insisted again, louder this time.

"Steve," Tony acknowledged matter-of-factly. When Steve didn't respond, he looked up with a curious expression.

"Tony," he started again, "there's a stray puppy outside."

Tony stared at him for a long, intense minute.

"Oooookay?" he finally answered.

Steve let out a long suffering sigh.

"There's a stray puppy outside, Tony. I can't just leave it there."

"Sure you can," Tony responded, turning back to his Stark-pad. Three seconds later he looked back up, realization dawning on his face.

"Oh, no you don't, Steve, my tower is a pet-free zone. Apart from Clint, he's an exception."

Steve locked eyes with him and curved his lips down in an unhappy frown.

"Homeless, Tony. Homeless and probably cold and hungry and unhappy."

For the record, Tony managed to stare him down for a full minute before he caved, wincing as he broke eye contact.

"God, Steve, you can't just go around brandishing your puppy eyes and pout and expect to get what you want, you know. Most people aren't as kind and generous as I am."

Steve just smiled as Tony went back to his Stark-pad.

"I know, Tony," he replied in his most patronizing tone, "you're just such a sweetheart."

He made a dash for the door before Tony could so much as look up.

* * *

'Noodle,' read the name-tag in the obnoxiously neat handwriting which was unmistakably Steve's. Tony snorted loudly, fumbling with his coffee mug as he rescued it before he managed to do something stupid like spill it all onto the small puppy's head.

Noodle blinked up at him, eyes questioning as he tilted his head at Tony.

"I can see why Steve wanted to keep you," Tony said with a chuckle, crouching down to rub the golden dog on the head.

"But did he seriously call you 'Noodle,' the sap?"

Noodle scrunched up his nose as if he was thinking then abruptly did a sort of half jerk backwards. Tony stared at him.

"Was that a sneeze?" he asked, bemused and couldn't help the affectionate tug at the corners of his mouth. He gave Noodle a thoughtful look, scanning the hallway then scooped up the golden retriever and retreated down the stairs.

"Do you think Steve will find you?" he asked. Noodle licked his face.

"No, dog, there will be no licking in this tower," he reprimanded sternly but he could only manage to say it half-heartedly. Noodle immediately took to a spot underneath his workbench when they got down to the workshop.

"Do you want a blanket?" Tony asked. "A pillow?"

Noodle poked his head out from under the bench and stared at him with big eyes.

"Uh, okay, no? Well you can get it yourself if you want," he said with a scratch to his chin and pointed at the couch. He grabbed a pen on his way to the workbench and carefully peeled off a yellow sticky note.

"What should I leave on the ransom note?" he mused, half to himself and half to Noodle. He hunched over the tiny slip of paper and chewed on his lip, thinking.

'I have your dog, one cup of coffee left on the workshop table if you want to see him again,' he wrote in neat print, careful not to write in his signature scrawl.

"Look, a ransom note for you, pupsicle," he said, waving the yellow note in front of Noodle's nose, "feel important."

He hopped off the seat, turning around at the door to point at Noodle.

"Stay," he said before running up the workshop stairs and leaving the ransom note on Steve's bedroom door.

* * *

Steve pushed open his bedroom door before he realised there was something stuck to the front of it.

"What's this?" he asked no one in particular and pulled off the bright yellow sticky note that had appeared in front of him.

"I have your dog," he read aloud and frowned.

"Who has my dog?" he asked, looking around in confusion and then back down before continuing, "one cup of coffee left on the workshop table if you want to see him again."

He paused, blinking.

"Huh."

"No guesses for who might have left that," he said flatly and changed course, heading directly to the kitchen. It took him five minutes to make the coffee just the way Tony liked it. He crept down to the workshop, balancing the cup on its saucer precariously and peered inside. Tony was busy hammering at something on the workbench, sparks spraying out in all directions. Noodle was nowhere to be seen so he slid into the shop and maneuvered the coffee onto the table closest to the door. He pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket and flapped it at the coffee to waft the aroma towards Tony before slipping back outside and waiting.

Sure enough, less than a minute later Tony sat bolt upright and turned around, blinking as if he just woke up. Steve waited patiently, his eyes trained on Tony when a slight movement in his peripheral vision caught his attention. He tensed imperceptibly before realising it was a golden muzzle, poking out from underneath the workshop bench curiously. Noodle emerged, scrunching up his nose in a scary likeness of Tony as they both sought out the smell. Tony found it first, scrambling out of his seat and bolting to the table. Noodle followed close on his heels, nudging against Tony's leg as he cupped his hands around the coffee.

"Do you want some?" Tony asked, crouching down next to him. Noodle squirmed, nudging Tony's hand until he managed to press his head underneath it. Tony laughed and sat down on the floor, rubbing the dog's head fondly.

Steve slid around the corner just as Noodle climbed into Tony's lap and rested his head on his paws. He looked up at Steve with big eyes. Tony smiled up at him.

"This is ruining my reputation of being a soulless bitch," he told Steve. Steve chuckled and sat down opposite him.

"I've paid your ransom," he said, "and normally I'd ask for the hostage back but I see he's grown rather fond of you."

Tony looked down at Noodle sitting in his lap.

"Apart from the mischievous licking, he's actually sort of cute," he said, the corners of his mouth kicking up.

"Apart from the complete lack of self preservation and the pouting until you get what you want, you're actually sort of cute," Steve said in a mock imitation of Tony.

Tony appeared to think about it for a second.

"I was going to pout and look sad until it made you feel bad, but I think I'd rather pick up on the part where you said I was cute," he said with a wave of his finger. Steve huffed, laughing, but he felt the slight heat in his cheeks.

"Can I have my dog back?" he asked instead of answering.

* * *

Steve squinted at his bedroom door. There was another bright yellow ransom note stuck to the front. This one read 'I have your dog. Please leave a cup of coffee on the workshop table and be nice to Tony if you want to see him again.'

Steve smiled affectionately to himself. He made Tony's coffee and went down to the workshop where Tony was burning something at the workbench. Steve sat down on the couch and waited for Tony to come over. Less than a minute later, Tony appeared in front of him.

"Coffee for me?" he asked, eyeing the cup in Steve's hand. Steve grinned up at him.

"Maybe," he said, passing it to Tony. Tony beamed and sat down next to him. Noodle padded up behind him and jumped into Steve's lap. Steve rubbed his head tenderly.

"Another ransom note?" he asked Tony, passing him the bright yellow tab. Tony gave him an innocent look.

"I have no idea where you find these, but they're fantastic," he said. Steve gave a long suffering sigh and hid his smile.

* * *

Tony's ransom notes became more elaborate until Steve had to bring down two cups of coffee (because one was not enough), be nice to Tony, sit in the workshop for at least an hour to keep Tony company, and not make a fuss when Tony gave Noodle his prototype coffee flavoured jerky.

Which is probably how Steve found himself balancing two cups of coffee as he made his way down to the workshop and not saying anything when he saw Tony sneak Noodle a handful of coffee jerky under the workbench.

"I saw that," he said as he walked in. Tony turned around on his stool and gave Steve his best shit-eating grin.

"Saw what?" he asked and sidled up to claim his caffeine. Steve raised an eyebrow.

"Saw you scratch your butt," he said. Tony widened his eyes and raised his eyebrows.

"Why were you looking at my butt?" he asked and reached for the second cup. Steve stared at him, thrown by the question.

"I dunno, I mean- I wasn't actually."

Tony laughed, "if you're going to be a sardonic bitch like me you can't get all confuddled and taken aback-like in the middle."

He winked at Steve, "give me a kiss, sweetheart."

Steve blushed instantly, his cheeks flushing with heat.

"See, that's what I mean," Tony said with a wave of his hand, "you're just too cute and innocent."

"Really?" Steve said.

"Really," Tony responded over the top of his cup.

"You don't think I could pull it off?" he asked, taking a step closer to Tony.

"Nope," Tony said, swallowing the rest of the cup in one go and putting it down behind him. Steve gazed at him, blinking down to Tony's lips then back up. He took another step forwards until he was well into Tony's personal space. Tony's eyes widened slightly and he swallowed.

"Hi, Steve," he breathed.

"Hi, Tony," Steve whispered. For the span of a heartbeat, a look of uncertainty flickered through Tony's eyes before it was gone again. Something nudged his leg and Steve looked down. Noodle sniffed at his boots before plodding over to the couch and lying down next to it. Steve looked back at Tony and let out a shaky laugh, stepping back. He opened his mouth to say something then closed it. Tony blinked and looked down, breaking their gaze.

"I'll just-" Steve turned towards the couch. He made it one step before a hand grabbed his and pulled him back. He spun, stumbling forward to meet Tony's lips, blinking his eyes closed. Of course, his body's first reaction was to blush like crazy but it only took a second for him to respond, leaning into Tony and kissing him back. Tony tasted like the coffee he just drank, sharp and rich, and Steve's breath hitched in his throat and suddenly it was hard to breath.

Tony's hand was still holding his and he moved his fingers to interlace with Steve's. Steve moved his free hand up to cradle Tony's jaw, fingers gentle. He kissed Tony softly, their breath mingling until he ran out of air.

Steve pulled back and opened his eyes to meet Tony's liquid brown ones. He let the corners of his mouth kick up in a smile and Tony smiled back, the skin around his eyes crinkling.

"I'm still going to hold your dog rans-" he started to say but Steve just kissed him quiet.


End file.
